Just because
It's been shit lately.
Posted by Lams on 10:57 PM
Recently, I've been having problems breathing. Not normal asthma problems, but I feel as if I'm being invisibly strangled. In one way its kind of serene and peaceful. Right now, I seriously, feel like going off into a coma. I just dont want anything now except solitude and mindfucking blankness however its confusing because although I want solitude, I want someone to alteast try and reach me. You know, to prove that someone's out there. I know Im not a horrible person. I know I have tons of friends who care and shit but for some reason lately, I just need some proof or someone to show that they are willing to break down walls. I dont know. Too much to ask.
Its probably because I've always just been so blind towards people. I've been so damn innocent by trying to always please people that I always forgot to ever live for myself or never thought about if they would do the same for me and I didnt know either because they havent been put into those situations.
I just feel so disgusted about how selfish people can be. I've always known that, but it just hit me now.
I get asked " Are you okay? You seem different lately," and I just nod and say " Yeah, Im fine. Just tired," and that is that. Its because I cant tell these people about what is REALLY going through my mind. I cant tell anyone. Partly because I dont trust anyone but myself(and Norz) and also because they dont fucking understand. They really dont and I, myself, dont understand how they are so oblivious. Some people are just so fucking cheery and optimistic about life. It really does sicken me how some people can live a whole life without ever reacting to the bad shit. As if they turn an innocent eye towards all the bad because its easier to pretend like you're unaware of it. No, I dont hate people. I'm actually a people person, trust me. My thoughts just dont like some certain ideas.
Its like my personal thoughts and my behavior are two different people. Inside, Im dying to scream my lungs out and outside I have a smile on and Im there in the middle of everything happenning(almost always).
Anyways, Im done with this mindfuck now and I really doubt any of the above actually made sense, but sometimes(most of the times) things dont make sense. They are what they are but we dont know why and how they became to be. TOK right thurrr. x'D
So yeah. Think about that. I guess. Or dont if you dont please to. I really dont give a fuck.
