Just because
Death and other rants
Posted by Lams on 3:44 AM
So its 3.31 am, we just got a call from the USA : one of my aunts discovered she is in the last stages of cancer.Its hard to believe. When we used to live in the States, I used to be really close to them. I was there all the time. Makes me feel even worse because I havent talked to her in the past 4 or 5 years. No particular reason. I just didnt. I guess I always thought I'd have plenty of time.
It just hit me now: We never have plenty of time. We just dont. We're not meant to. Whatever that is to be done, should be done at the moment. No procrastination. No hesitation. and in some cases No fear.
I wonder what happens after death. I know the usual stuff : "heaven&hell, afterlife, etc.". What if that isnt what happens? I'm starting to think that after we die we just decay. Nothing else to it. We start withering during our last stages and then we die and decay and soon after we get forgotten. No second thoughts. We just become someone who once was there but now no more. I dont know.
I dont know why Im blogging about this. Its just depressing. I hate thinking about loved ones leaving me. That seems to reoccur all the time. In one form or another.
I wonder if I'll be missed if I die, when I die. What if I die tomorrow? What if someone needed to tell me something that could have changed everything for me or the other person but never had the chance? Maybe they procrastinated. But still what if? This will sound depressing, but I dont think I'll be missed so much. I just dont know. Its a gut feeling.
People always say how we have a certain purpose in life. What is it? Now I'm starting to deeply believe that there is no purpose. No one is special in any way whatsoever. We are all monochromatic creations or such. We live, We die. Thats it. The rest in between gets erased slowly; It fades away after a while...
Great, now I'm crying. Okay so yes I'm a sissy. I cant handle death. There we go.
Im done.
Read my other blogs, I suppose. They are probably happier than this although shitty they may be.. Yea...so. Okay. Bye
But before I go, Im posting up this song Farewell- Apocalyptica. Its just sort of perfect to portray this feeling I have inside me now.
